How's everyone doing? I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season. I had fun catch-up reading everyone’s blogs; so many exciting updates (big congrats to Dr. Z)! My last post was about taking a hiatus and while I wouldn't say I'm officially back (yet), I thought what the heck, why not make just one last post for 2014 before it's over.
Speaking of which, can you believe it? 2014 is already over! Right when I was getting used to writing 14! In any case, it's definitely been a crazy and turbulent year. I've had a lot of ups (cool teaching program) and downs (spraining my ankle) and overall it's been an okay year. I've grown a lot as a person and gotten more comfortable with myself but there's still so much to do and see! I’ve taken some big chances (changing majors yet again) but the learning and improving doesn’t stop there! And that’s exactly what I'm hoping to do this coming year: challenge myself to grow even more.
Realizing it's going to be my last year of undergrad has been difficult for me to come to terms with. It all seems so bizarre; I've always gone to school and been a student. That's always been my number one priority. What's going to happen when that paradigm is fundamentally shifted? I feel like this past year I finally reached a place where I was comfortable in college (heck, I was even enjoying it), but right when I'd settled in, I got the rude awakening that in just a year's time the tables are going to turn yet again. Trying to think about what lies ahead after this makes me so anxious and worried. Just attempting to plan for that future is daunting and scary but I know it has to be done and the sooner I deal with it, the better.
I'm definitely guilty of trying to run away from real change; I’ll move things around in my room, try new cuisines, and throw out old clothes but when it comes to actual radical change, I shrink away. I’ll postpone growing up (cough cough not learning how to drive or do taxes or what APR is) and making much-needed changes to my life (cough cough eating healthier, moving out, etc.) because it's just too much to handle to me. The unknown is so risky and intimidating and rather than facing it, I like to retreat to the comfort and familiarity of my current routine; that option is always so alluring and more importantly, convenient and easy.
But the truth is there’s nothing to gain in that approach: in just staying the same. Nothing ever changes. Like yeah, my life right now is pretty good and I’m super grateful for everything, but I just feel like it could be better, I could be better. There’s a certain security and safety in doing what you’ve always done but at what cost? You’re giving up all these fabulous possibilities. If you never step out of your comfort zone, you never realize your true potential. You’ve just stagnated.
It reminds me of this really insightful quote my trig teacher once told me (and had up on her wall), “Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there”* Sometimes the most glorious rewards come when you take a risk, when you go out on a limb and do something daring and crazy. And hey, even if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried, right? You’ll have an answer and some insights instead of the regrets and “what-ifs” (ugh those are the worst). And I think that’s my next big challenge. Trying to encourage, embrace, and adjust more easily to groundbreaking change. Like, learning to allow and accept it rather than ignoring or avoiding it.
So, in that vein, I want to announce my new goals for 2015 (including my Bat Fit goals!). They’re including in the next post (partly because I wanted to give them their own post and also I wrote too much in this one, bwhaha). Let me know what you think of them in the comments! Any suggestions are welcome!